No Matter What
by MimiRose113
Summary: After Katherine dies, Damon's feelings of love for her and his own self-hate go into overdrive. Stefan is there to comfort him. Brotherly love fic, not slash/incest
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Not mine. No profit. Just fun.**

**A/N: I have only read the books not seen the TV series, but this is weird mix of the two. Based on the books but I wanted it after Katherine died and Elena alive, which as far as I can tell for fanfiction I've read that is how it happens in the series :D So yeah. A bit AU then. Will probably rewrite a bit after seeing the series and know exactly what happens how. Also this is unbeta-ed.**

**I've tried to make Damon as in character as possible, while having an OOC moment. If that makes sense. :)**

**This will be a two-shot.**

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><p><strong>Damon's POV<strong>

She was dead. Gone. Forever. I was never going to get her back, show her how much I loved her, make her love _me._ That thought was too much to bear.

The others were leaving, rejoicing perhaps, that Katherine was finally gone. But not me. I turned my back and headed into the trees, away from the rest of them. I wanted to be alone. Numbly, I stumbled my way deeper, not paying any attention to where I was going. I couldn't think, there was a strange pain inside me and it got worse the more I thought about what could have been, if she had just _loved me!_ Me! Not Saint Stefan. It was always Stefan. Everyone. Always.

I staggered at that point and literally tumbled into a tree. I leaned against it, jaw clenched, then I slowly slid down the trunk, rough pieces of bark dragging and scraping my arm, leaving splinters buried in my skin. I didn't care. Sure, wood hurt. But something inside me was hurting more right now.

I lay on the ground at the base of the trunk, my eyes prickling with something I hadn't felt in centuries. Tears? Salvatore men don't cry. Black-eyed vampires don't cry! But I couldn't help it anymore. I curled myself up into a ball, covering my head with my arms.

And I wept.

I let it all out, the pain, the hurt, the feelings of betrayal for what my brother and his friends had done. My body was shaking and the tears were flowing, soaking my sleeve and the dirt below me as I wailed aloud, screaming even, for my unrequited love.

My dark thoughts were pulled tight around me. Everyone, everything, that had hurt me was spinning in front of my eyes. Katherine. My father. Elena. Stefan. Even my mother, who had hurt me without meaning to by leaving me when I still needed her. But it didn't stop there. The faces of my victims, my food, started pouring through my mind. The things I had said and done to my frien…to Stefan's friends. They weren't mine. They would never be mine. I was a monster, a creature of darkness, and I had revelled in it. I didn't deserve friends. I didn't deserve love; the world had made that quite clear. There was no one, no one who cared, who would miss me if I took off my ring and lay here 'til the sun came up…

What was that? I was too preoccupied with my depression and self-hate to comprehend it at first. It felt like a touch but there was no one around, of that I was sure. It came again and I realised… It wasn't a physical touch but a touch to my mind.

_"Damon?"_

St. Stefan. Of course. He could never leave me alone, could he? Any other time I would have been irritated but right now I didn't even have the energy to tell him to piss off.

_"Damon, are you alright?"_

What a stupid question. He knew damn well I wasn't alright. I ignored him and continued with my possible mental breakdown. I was still crying bitterly, as if my tears could wash away my curse, and dark images from my long past still flashed before me. I could still feel him there though, nudging at my mind, trying to invoke a response. Then the nudges turned to something else…turned to…caresses? It was like he was stroking my mind. What the heck? I tried to push him away but couldn't even budge him with my apparently weak shove. So again I decided to ignore him. The best I could anyway.

Back to…what was I thinking about before I was ever so rudely interrupted? Oh, yeah, about taking off my ring. I should really. Katherine gave them to us but it's not a symbol of her love, is it? So why keep it? It's not worth anything. It doesn't _mean_ anything. Suits me well, then, really, doesn't it? I'm not worth anything. I don't mean anything to her..._didn't_ mean anything to her. Past tense. She's gone now, remember? And she never gave a flying fuck about me. Just like my father. And just like Elena. No one ever did. And no one ever will.

I was distracted again by my annoying little brother. He was still there at the edge of my mind, still petting me like I was some sort of puppy. It felt weird, sort of like he was stroking my hair. Wait. There _was_ someone stroking my hair. And I didn't need to take three sniffs of the air to guess who.

"Damon?"

I groaned to myself. Didn't he get the hint? I wasn't bothering him, so why bother me? Probably revenge of all those times I turned up out the blue just as he was getting settled into some nice little town and ruined it all. Payback's a bitch.

"Damon? Damon, please talk to me."

I don't _want_ to talk! Can't he see that? Oh, crap. What can he see? Me, curled up in a ball, sobbing my poor little heart out. Great. Fantastic. Wait a minute. Let's back up a few moments here. He's doing _what_ to my hair?

I heard him sigh as he must have finally realised that I wasn't going to become his next Good Samaritan's project. Now maybe he'll leave me alone. I'm a busy person, I have long list of 'people who hate me' to read through. I hear him moving, good, he's leaving. No, wait, he's not. He's moving closer, I can smell it. He's…he's…

He's trying to unfurl me. He is. He wants me to come out of this nice little spot where all the crap that's ever happened to me can't hurt me. What am I saying? I'm hurting more right now than I can possibly remember. But still, this is _my_ curled-up position, and I'm gonna stay here.

Or maybe not. He's already pulled my arms down away from my head. That means he can see my face now. I'm determined to keep my eyes shut though. I don't want to see him laughing over the fact that big brother Damon's crying like a little human girl. Now what's he doing? He's trying to make me sit up. I don't want to sit up. I like it down here, lying amongst the pine needles. Actually I don't, it's hard and the needles are digging in my cheek but if Stefan wants me to sit up then I don't want to.

Oh, fine. If you insist. He's dragging me up and I don't think I can even struggle. I feel drained and I don't know why. It's not like it's been ages since I've fed. To be honest, I don't think I could move anyway. I don't know how long I was curled up for but all my joints are stiff and my back's aching something awful. He's manhandling me now, pulling me towards him…

He's hugging me.

Stefan Salvatore, sweet little brother, is hugging Damon Salvatore, bastard big brother. And not gently either. He's gripping me so tight that if I were a human he'd have suffocated me by now. As it is, he's still kinda hurting me. Not that I'd give him the satisfaction by ever saying 'ow'. I can feel warm arms around me, rubbing my back soothingly. His cheek is pressed against mine, chin on my shoulder, and he's murmuring words in my ear. But I can't really hear them because the pain in my chest is back and I'm finding it difficult to breathe. I don't actually need to, but still. It's an art I've perfected and I want to keep it that way. I hear him move, his hand's near his throat, then the sweet tang of something I want. Yet don't.

_"Drink."_

I shake my head at the word in my mind, whether to get rid of its echo or as a negative response I'm not sure. It's the same thing. Stefan's hand is now pressing on the back of my head. He's drawing me down, placing my mouth over the cut he's made.

_"Drink."_

Slowly, I obey, suckling gently at the wound, the hot richness sliding down my throat. My tears are still dripping, soaking his shirt plus he's covered in something else. Oh. Snot. How attractive. I suck a little harder at his throat, our minds entangling. I can feel his concern, he my pain. I can feel his blood pooling in my stomach, a puddle of warmth heating me from the inside out. His arms are closed around me, warming and comforting my body, and his mind is still floating with my mind, warming my soul. I stop drinking, sated and oddly comforted. The darkness that had me cowering on the ground did not seem so dire anymore, here, trapped in my brother's golden warmth. And I like it. I don't know why, but I do. It's nice here in this little, warm, rocking bubble of…wait, rocking? He is. Truly, he is. I'm in his arms and he's _rocking_ me. On his lap. How the hell did I get on his lap? I, Damon Salvatore, am sitting on my baby brother's lap, being hugged and rocked like a child. Go figure.

He's still whispering words in my ear. I actually have to concentrate to understand them.

"Shh, Damon, it's okay. It's alright, brother, everything's fine."

"No, it's _not_!" I finally snap, breaking my vow of silence, my voice raspy from crying. "Nothing's alright, nothing's _ever_ alright!"

"What's the matter, brother?" he asked quietly.

"What's the matter? _She's gone, you idiot! _She's gone, and she's never coming back! I loved her but she loved _you_ and you took her away from me, so I will never _ever_ be able to get her to love me back!"

"Katherine would never have loved you back, Damon. She might have started pretending she did to use you, to play with you. But she would never have loved you."

"Why?" I find myself asking brokenly, hating the sound of my own voice.

"Why what, brother?" he asked gently.

"Why does no one ever love me?" I half-scream.

Dammit. Why the hell did I say that? He's gonna have a right laugh over that sentence, now, isn't he? I shuffle slightly in his arms, wanting out, but he doesn't release me.

"Damon."

I don't answer. Maybe if I nip his arm a little he'll let go… But that might piss him off and I don't think I could win a fight right about now.

"Damon!"

I'm not getting free, am I? So might as well face the music, as they say. I look up reluctantly to meet his eyes and his green depths are gazing at me seriously.

"_I_ love you," he says firmly.

I blink at him stupidly.

"What? Stefan, you _hate_ me!"

He sends me a wry smile at the incredulous tone of my voice.

"Sometimes. Most the time, really. But, Damon, you are my brother. No matter what, I _will_ always love you."

Really? Huh. I'm not stupid, I know Stefan loved me back when we were kids. But with all the stuff I've done since becoming a vampire, I honestly didn't believe he still did. To hear what I just heard…well, it's pretty damn cool. Slushy, mushy girly talk. But cool. I send him one of my flashing smiles then, to his surprise, I lean back against him. I hiccup then finally, _finally,_ my tears stop falling.

"I guess…just so you know…Ilurveyootoo."

The last few words come out all quiet and slurred but I know he's smiling.

"I know, brother, I know."

My eyelids start drooping and my body feels real heavy. Hell, how did I get so exhausted? Just as well I don't cry often, I'd never get anything done. At this rate, I'm gonna…at this rate I'm gonna fall…fall asleep on…on Stefan. Ah, to hell with it. I smile to myself and let my eyes close.

He'd love me anyway, right?

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><p><strong>Please review!<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Part two now up for you :)**

**I'm not sure I've got Stefan quite as in character as Damon but I hope it's close enough. I root Team Damon and I'm proud of it :D**

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><p><strong>Stefan's POV<strong>

I continue to hold my brother close as his breathing evens out and I know he has fallen asleep. I'm not surprised. He looks drained, exhausted. I study his face. He looks so peaceful right now, despite the wet eyelashes and salty cheeks. I can't remember the last time I saw him like this, without a cold, expressionless look or an arrogant smile.

It had been a shock, I have to say. I'd taken the others home and gone back to the boarding house. It was a while before I'd even thought of checking on my brother. I'd sent out a probing wave of Power, expecting to find him in town, taking out his anger on some brawling locals or a lone pretty girl's neck. What I wasn't expecting was to find a weak sense of him, far out into the woods. Why so faint? Damon's Power was stronger than mine so why was it barely registering on my radar? I'd touched his mind cautiously, not wanting to antagonise him. The lack of response had bothered me. Damon had never turned down the opportunity to spat with me. I pressed harder and caught a glimmer of words going through his mind. Katherine. Ring. Sun.

Those words could be strung together a million ways and mean anything in the world but the emotion I felt behind them worried me. Enough that I knew something was wrong. I Called to him, asking the dumb but standard question. Are you alright? I could tell he wasn't. Why else would he be hiding? Because I'd discovered why his aura was so weak. He'd pulled it down tight around himself, as if trying to make his own existence as small as possible. He'd succeeded that alright. I hadn't felt a thing from him until I'd started looking and the emotions I could feel inside him were so strong that in a normal situation I would have.

But this wasn't a normal situation. I'd instantly gone searching, in the physical sense now, not that it was really a search once my mind had found his. I'd discovered him at the foot of a tree, curled up in the foetal position, and the scent I was getting off him alarmed me. Damon was crying. He really was, I could smell the tears. Damon Salvatore _never_ cried.

I tried to comfort him, stroking his hair but I wasn't sure he was even aware of me. Then I tried making him look at me and that was when I finally got a response. Resistance. He didn't want to move at all.

Well, tough, was my general opinion right then. Something was seriously wrong with my brother and I was going to find out what. I found that it wasn't just his aura that was weak. He himself seemed to have lost the will to fight and it wasn't actually that difficult for me to drag him into my lap and hug him to me. I was sure that would get a reaction.

It did. He started hyperventilating. The scholar part of me was intrigued; I never knew vampires could. Then I mentally scolded myself and whispered soothing words in his ear, trying to calm him down. He was still crying. This concerned me as the one thing I'd expected less than Damon crying was Damon crying _in front of me!_ Okay. That was it. Time to pull out all the stops. I wanted to bond with him, figure out exactly why he was feeling this pain and sorrow, show him I desperately wanted to help. There was only one way I could see us getting that connection. I sliced my fingernail across my neck, hitting that precious vein. He refused it at first, so I merely drew his lips to my wound and turned my request into an order.

_"Drink."_

He did. Wow. My big brother actually listening to me for once? And it felt nice. Nurturing. Sure, Damon had drank my blood before but this was the first time I'd given it willingly.

I felt our minds entangle and then the wave of emotion hit me. I cringed inwardly under the pain and hate that came crashing through my senses. I'd felt Damon's hate before but it had always been directed at me. To feel him directing it at himself was even more terrifying than I could imagine.

I could feel when he finally began to accept my comfort and he drew his mouth away, somewhat subdued. Then we talked. To hear him scream his deepest, darkest question out – "Why does no one ever love me?" – was nearly too much to bear. He was embarrassed, I could tell. After a bit of restraint and squirming I finally got him to meet my eyes.

"_I_ love you," I told him.

He looked at me like I'd just said the sky was green. And polka dot.

"What? Stefan, you _hate_ me!"

I send him a wry smile. He'd picked up on that, had he?

"Sometimes. Most the time, really. But, Damon, you are my brother. No matter what, I _will_ always love you."

It was the truth. I couldn't deny it. And neither could he, apparently. He finally stopped snivelling – okay, mean choice of word – and leaned more into my embrace after sending me one of his infamous 250-kilowatt smiles.

"I guess…just so you know…Ilurveyootoo."

The last few words came out all quiet and slurred but I knew he knew I was smiling.

I shake myself out of my reverie and glance back down at his sleeping face. The sun's due to rise any minute and I find myself checking his hand for his ring. I remember that vague Katherine-ring-sun thought that I heard and it unnerves me. Thank God, he's still got it on. That's one less thing for me to worry about…for now. I mean to ask him about it later.

Right now though I want to concentrate on getting my brother home. Not that I'm sure where Damon's home is. I'll have to ask him where he actually sleeps. Elena once said she thinks he spends the night in trees but I didn't think much of my brother being a squirrel imitator… Right, yes, home. I don't want to wake him. He'll probably get all embarrassed and defensive and disappear off to God-knows-where to do God-knows-what. So instead I carefully stand up, lifting my brother with me. It's not difficult. Damon's shorter than me and quite slender. Plus my vampire strength tends to make things easier. I carry him back to the boarding house – Damon wasn't _really_ that far by a vampire's distance – and take him upstairs to my room. As soon as I place him on the bed, his eyes are open and he's blinking at me sleepily, causing me to half-believe he's been faking all this time so he didn't have to walk. Not a very Damon thing to do, but then again not so long ago he told me he loved me so I guess Hell does freeze over every once in a while.

"Where am I?" he murmurs.

"My room."

"Oh. Why?"

"You need sleep."

"Oh. Okay."

He drifts off again, leaving me to wonder if when he wakes up properly if he's just going to conveniently brush the last hour or so under the carpet and pretend it never happened, or whether maybe…just maybe…he might remember the words that passed between us today and be all the happier for it.

Because I really wouldn't mind a happier Damon around. But if the worse does come to the worse then I guess I can handle that too. Because underneath it all, it doesn't really matter. Damon will always Damon.

Damon will always be my brother. No matter what.

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><p><strong>I'm wondering whether to make this a three-shot, adding another chapter for after Damon wakes up.<strong>

**Please review!**


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